From the 60/20 rule · by Joe DelfgauwThe 20% That's Just You

Here's a thing I believe all the way down: the fastest way to lose someone is to win them over as somebody you're not.

Watch how people act when they start dating. They put their best foot forward. They round off the edges, hide the weird parts, present the polished version. It feels like the smart play. It is the worst play there is.

Because if they fall for the polished version, they didn't fall for you. They fell for a person who isn't going to be there in six months. And when the real you shows up, and it always shows up, they're not disappointed in a small way. They're disappointed because the deal changed. You sold them someone else.

This is exactly why the 60/20 rule keeps that last twenty percent for uniqueness. Not similarity. Not compromise. The part of you that stays your own. The room to be the actual person you are, weird parts included. A relationship that lasts isn't two people performing for each other. It's two people who got the real thing up front and chose it anyway.

I'm not perfect and I never pretended to be. The stuff people have connected with me over isn't the highlight reel, it's the honest parts, the mistakes I'll say out loud. Same thing in a relationship. Your flaws aren't the thing to hide. They're part of what somebody gets to actually love, once you're brave enough to let them see it.

Be yourself. If they like it, it's real. If they don't, you just saved both of you a lot of time.

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